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By Norm Foster

Produced by special arrangement with the Gary Goddard Agency

Directed by James Quigley

Produced by Katherine Turner


Evenings: October 11, 12, 17, 18, 19, 24 and 25, 2024 at 8 p.m.

Matinees: October 13, 20 and 26, 2024 at 2 p.m.

Important: We will be providing a safe working environment – all participants in this production from creative staff, crews, actors, and other volunteers should be vaccinated.


Canada’s premier playwright, Norm Foster, has created another theatrical tour de force! The year is 1938 and star reporter, Jeff Kinkaid, competes against rookie Mary Hayes to cover the society wedding of the son of newspaper owner, Delores Diddle. Throw in an embalmed dog stuffed with Delores’ husband’s ashes, Delores’ challenge to find dirt on her son’s sexy fiancé, and a delightfully sarcastic butler, and you have yourself a performance filled with hilarity and fun. We hope you’ll come and laugh out loud with this playful homage to the vintage screwball comedies of the 1930s and 40s.


Physicality Codes Legend

C = basic physical contact like shaking hands, arm-in-arm, touching (all characters)

= staged intimacy like embracing, kissing

CAST:  Ages listed reflect how the character should appear onstage, not necessarily the age of the actor.

*The roles of Bosco and Peter may be doubled. The roles of Jonesy and Gloria may be doubled.

Jeff Kincaid (male identifying) – late 20’s to mid 40’s. The star reporter. Use to being number one. Cocky and sexy. Sadly, his reporting isn’t as great as it used to be. Not happy to be competing with Mary. I

Mary Hayes (female identifying) – mid 20’s to mid 30’s. The aspiring journalist. Talented but unsure of herself. Excited to seek a job as a reporter in a man’s world.  Happy to compete with Jeff for her big break.

Bosco Godfrey (male identifying) – over 40 – The gruff newspaper editor. Stern and easily angered but has a heart somewhere underneath his grumpiness.

Jonesy (female identifying) – 20-40 – The wise-cracking secretary to Bosco. Smart but knows how to play the game.  Clever.

Delores Diddle (female identifying) – 50+ – The newspaper owner and wealthy widow. Concerned about her only son. Smart and resourceful and very rich.

Peter Terwilliger (male identifying) – 50+ – The bon vivant fiancé. Rich, suave, handsome suiter to Delores.

Chauncey Diddle (male identifying) – 25-35 – The dim-willed son of Delores. Lazy and not too bright. Looking forward to his wedding to Gloria.

Gloria Fontana (female identifying) – 20-35 – The glamourous, sexy seductress. Is she marrying Chauncey for love or his money? I

Reginald (male identifying) – 40+ – The acerbic butler – British, sarcastic butler with a quick tongue. Sadly, nobody listens to him.


Sunday, June 23, 2024 – 7:30 p.m. – 10 p.m.
          Monday, June 24, 2024 – 7:30 p.m. – 10 p.m.

CALLBACK: (if required) Thursday, June 27, 2024 – 7:30 p.m.- 10:30 p.m. (if you are auditioning, please keep this date open until advised otherwise)

First Read Through Thursday, July 4, 2024 at 7:30 p.m. Rehearsals on July 7, 9

Regular rehearsals (every Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday) will start on Tuesday, July 23, 2024 at 7:30 p.m.

Please note there will not be rehearsals on the 2 long weekends- Simcoe Day/Civic Holiday, August 5 and Labour Day, September 2, 2024

Auditions will be in person at the Scarborough Players Rehearsal Unit

Auditions must be booked in advance


Please note: Email is the most efficient way to book an audition

Auditions are booked in 10-minute slots. Please indicate the role(s) in which you are interested.

Please list any potential conflicts at the audition.

Requirements: Please prepare a short comedic monologue – no more than 2 minutes.  Be prepared to be re-directed. There will be cold readings from the play. Please contact for more information about the play. Once you have booked your audition, we will be sending you forms to complete at home which can then be emailed along with your headshot/photo and resume.

Auditions and Rehearsals will be held at 780 Birchmount, Unit 5 (West side of Birchmount, south of Eglinton, beside the Alison’s Fine Foods. TTC accessible by #17 Bus from Warden Station or any Eglinton West bus from Kennedy Station.  However, Eglinton is under construction and traffic is very slow from Kennedy. Some north/south streets like Birchmount and Warden can be closed at Eglinton causing transit to re-route. Please check with TTC for updates.

Most rehearsals will be held on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, 7:30 – 10:30 p.m. and Sundays, 1 – 5 p.m.

Some rehearsals and all performances are at Scarborough Village Theatre, 3600 Kingston Road (at Markham Road).

Additional rehearsals may be added as we move closer to the production opening. There may also be the need to incorporate other rehearsal days to schedule other parts of the play. You will be asked to please list ANY potential conflicts.

Scarborough Players is an inclusive community theatre company and encourages all interested individuals from all backgrounds to audition. Those auditioning must be Non-Equity performers and understand that this is a non-paying production. We do not enter into any contracts or agreements with CAEA or ACTRA.

Download the audition information package.

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